Store Log Special – That Guy!

Welcome to Store Log! An irreverent look at gaming from the point of view of a fictional games store owner.  This special looks at the phenomena of “That Guy” and is a list of behaviours compiled from the experiences of “semi-ficticious” store owners, reality challenged customers and of course  special appearances from “That Guy” himself.

How to be “That Guy” in a games store. 

1. Talk to everyone about a game nobody has heard of. Not just any game this game has to be obscure, not stocked by the store, out of print, and few people including yourself even play it. Make sure you derail each conversation into talk about this game, it’s history, anecdotes about it’s background. If anyone tries to get you to play it – never do!

2. Be rude to staff members.

3. Turn up to an in store games event with no intention of joining in. Try to distract the players and event organisers. Use any means unnecessary such as useful painting tips, offer unsolicited advice, make crude & racist jokes, talk about old games you have played. This works better if you have no idea of how the game works.

4. Use the stores rubbish bin or recycling bins for games wrappers and other products that you have NOT purchased in store.

5. Interrupt sales in progress. Try as best you can to disrupt this process. Offer unsolicited advice, talk loudly about how you know the system better than anyone, try to get the customer to buy something else, better still try to sell them something you own. It helps if there are more than one of you doing this.

6. Throw things at customers, staff members and at passers by.

7. Pretend you are a demonstrator for a games company. Convince the store owner to run a games event for said games company, entice the store owner to purchase products and promotional merchandise for this game. At the last minute tell everyone it’s cancelled.

8. Ask for discounts on everything especially small items or on items already on sale. If have convinced the owner to give a discount, back out at the last minute.

9. If a member of staff is serving at the till. Call out to them and tell them it’s their turn. If necessary follow them round the store holding out dice or cards. Make sure everyone knows they are holding up the game.

10. If you are enrolled in an event or tournament. Don’t read the rulebook or online PDF with the particulars of the event. Turn up late, insist everyone waits for you, while you hand write an army list. Play with the wrong figures bonus if they are unpainted. During the games make sure you argue about the rules whenever possible – especially about obvious things like dice facings even after you have been proved wrong by a Tournament Organiser with a rulebook in hand.

11. Talk loudly about details of your personal life. This can include details of your health such as upcoming operations, particulars of an upset stomach, affairs you may be having, any impeding restraining orders taken out against you, your bowel movements,

12. Be rude to the store owners family.

13. Discuss particular parts of anatomy displayed on games pieces or in games literature in front of young children or better yet elderly people.

14. Threaten the store owner with physical violence or steal something – then run away.

15. If you witness to an illegal event such as the above or a theft, claim you were “ present but cannot recall what happened” when questioned by police.

16. If you have been barred from entry to the store. Pretend you have no idea why this happened Play the victim to everyone who will listen. Bonus if the reason you were barred resembles anything on this list.

17. If there is a toilet for customer use try NOT to leave it as you would wish it to be found.

18. The store is a great place to bring up your opinions about equality in the workplace. By your opinions regarding equality I mean Hitler’s.

19. Always critique the work of others. If anyone paints or builds a model well, spent a lot of money and time on making it look great but doesn’t necessarily follow the box instructions, shout HERESY! Point out flaws in the work, using your skewed and narrow views on history and the imaginary background of other fantasy & sci-fi games. The store social media is a great place to do this.

20. If someone enters the store who is not a regular – harass them! Particularly if they are starting the gaming hobby from fresh. Use every opportunity to get in their face. Bonus points if the person is NOT a white, able bodied, heterosexual, cisgendered, adult male from your own country.

 

 

Disclaimer: Store Log is a work of satirical fiction.  The characters and events depicted in “Store Log” are purely fictitious and are meant as a satirical and irreverent view of gaming.  They do not represent any religious, gender, political or any other bias.